The new normal

Six months post SRS/ GRS and things are getting back to normal. The new normal. My partner and I go out and have fun, she only has to dilate once per day and life is just continuing.

It was very hard after she had SRS to manage certain life things. She got a serious infection (it was really stinky…!!!!!) I had to drive her to work, shop, cook, clean, we moved house and then the day after we moved I had a serious accident. All of this took the fun out of the day to day ease of living. It was a culmination of events that has led me to appreciate our relationship and her functional transition.

To reach the point of funcationality is an achievement that some partners will get to and others will not. It is not a failing either way. But it is possible.

For someone who is a passable trans person life does just ‘go on’ and that’s it. It is a blessing and a privilege for my partner and I to experience this. I can not emphasize enough that the idea of the trans woman who will never pass is just not true. A lot of people don’t pass because they do not that the right support, finances and self-awareness but this doesn’t have to be the same for your partner.

The ‘new normal’ for us as a couple is kind of the same as the ‘old normal’ because in reality lots of things are still the same. One kind of reaches a point of resolution and all that water that flowed under bridge is passing out into the ocean. You can look out at it but you don’t have to cross it again.

Having a trans partner can be deeply challenging and disrupting for the psyche and soul. How it all ‘plays out’ depends on a multitude of factors and only some of these are in your control. It is important for that neither partner becomes beholden nor a victim to the other so that depressive or blaming cycles can not be broken. Perhaps this is true of every relationship.

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