I found out that my partner is transgender about 6 weeks after we had been dating each other. I guessed it. I am lucky enough to have known a bit about it before I started dating my partner. I am fairly accepting and didn’t really mind. We didn’t really talk about it as my partner found it far too confronting to talk about it.
It wasn’t until about a month after that my partner told me how suicidal she was. Out of everything so far this has been the biggest thing. Suicide and depression. There is nothing quite as bad or devestating to find out that someone you love is so unhappy they would rather die than live with the life they born into. Depression and suicide can potentially split relationships with family, friends, work, education. It affects so many lives in so many ways. Contact a local trans friendly support network that deals with depression and suicide if this is an issue.
I decided to stay with my partner for a number of reasons and many of them are the same reasons that we started going out. We share so much in common, like doing the same things, have never found anyone who does it for me in quite the same way, is smart, funny… and the list goes on. All of this was enough to keep me in the relationship no matter what. Love isn’t always enough to keep a relationship together and that’s fair enough.
I am a woman and my partner is MtF. I have dated women in the past so the idea of dating a women in the future didn’t bother me. If you are a heterosexual woman who would never want to date another woman, a relationship with a transgender MtF is not necessarily for you. Your partner wants to be a woman not a man. Think about what that really means. Would you be embarrassed holding hands in public?
Our relationship is not always perfect but we work hard on it. I think listening, respecting and leaving time for fun stuff is really important.
Over the course of our relationship my partner has had multiple surgeries: FFS, hair transplants, electrolysis, liposculpting, breast surgery and SRS. She has gone from being a suicidally depressed individual to someone who is happy and social. She has a full time job and is not out and is completely passable.
Our journey together has not been easy. I have devoted a considerable amount of energy and time to get her together. But we work as a team and I don’t begrudge her, I love her!
Her journey is not complete, she still has struggles and stresses and is still learning. Our journey is not complete either. Transition hasn’t been the end of our relationship and overall it has been worth it.