My Story

I found out that my partner is transgender about 6 weeks after we had been dating each other. I guessed it. I am lucky enough to have known a bit about it before I started dating my partner. I am fairly accepting and didn’t really mind. We didn’t really talk about it as my partner found it far too confronting to talk about it.

It wasn’t until about a month after that my partner told me how suicidal she was. Out of everything so far this has been the biggest thing. Suicide and depression. There is nothing quite as bad or devestating to find out that someone you love is so unhappy they would rather die than live with the life they born into. Depression and suicide can potentially split relationships with family,  friends, work, education. It affects so many lives in so many ways. Contact a local trans friendly support network that deals with depression and suicide if this is an issue.

I decided to stay with my partner for a number of reasons and many of them are the same reasons that we started going out. We share so much in common, like doing the same things, have never found anyone who does it for me in quite the same way, is smart, funny… and the list goes on. All of this was enough to keep me in the relationship no matter what. Love isn’t always enough to keep a relationship together and that’s fair enough.

I am a woman and my partner is MtF. I have dated women in the past so the idea of dating a women in the future didn’t bother me. If you are a heterosexual woman who would never want to date another woman, a relationship with a transgender MtF is not necessarily for you. Your partner wants to be a woman not a man. Think about what that really means. Would you be embarrassed holding hands in public?

Our relationship is not always perfect but we work hard on it. I think listening, respecting and leaving time for fun stuff is really important.

***********

Over the course of our relationship my partner has had multiple surgeries: FFS, hair transplants, electrolysis, liposculpting, breast surgery and SRS. She has gone from being a suicidally depressed individual to someone who is happy and social. She has a full time job and is not out and is completely passable.

Our journey together has not been easy. I have devoted a considerable amount of energy and time to get her together. But we work as a team and I don’t begrudge her, I love her!

Her journey is not complete, she still has struggles and stresses and is still learning. Our journey is not complete either. Transition hasn’t been the end of our relationship and overall it has been worth it.

3 Responses to My Story

  1. MGH says:

    Thank you for writing such a wonderful story. I am in the beginning stages of finding out that my fiancé may transition. Its been very hard for me to deal with and your story was one that has made me feel not so alone. I feel a lot of guilt for the thoughts that I may not stay with him. I question my love for him but then again that is the main issue. I love him. I don’t know her. I am heterosexual. I have never had an interest in women even as friends. Yet the thought of losing him is unbearable. Your strength and ability to withstand all this is a beauty rarely seen. Thank you for the inspiration.

  2. Sara says:

    Your story is helping with my husband wanting to be a female I have experimented with women before so the woman part isn’t the part I’m having trouble with. I scared I’m not strong enough to handle this it’s still new to me. I know I love him but I’m scared. Please comment back.

    • Hi,
      I was terrified about the process of transition. It was kind of a relief to just have it all out of the way. My partner was very depressed and I was very scared she would kill herself.
      The whole process for my was sad and stressful. I didn’t think I was very strong, but people would say to me “wow, you are so strong. I don’t know how you are doing this/ did that”. At the time I thought I had no strength at all, yet obviously it was there, even if I didn’t feel it. I think you will find you have more strength than you realise.
      Quite honestly the transition process is, in many ways, something you do with your partner. You have to be there for each other and acknowledge that it isn’t just one person changing and adjusting. You are inviting a whole other person into the relationship whilst another person slowly disappears.
      I found it really helpful, and inspiring, to read other peoples blogs or watch youtube videos of transitions. It helped me to understand the process more and feel not so alone.
      Give yourself sometime, it sounds like this is all very new. I’ll check my blog more frequently so I can update it.

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